The other day  I had a dream. In my dream I was driving a white car which broke down. I don’t know what was wrong with it but I managed to limp it to a car park and parked it in a vacant space. I didn’t bother to get a ticket – I’m not sure why. Maybe I didn’t have any money on me; maybe I thought that as the car had broken down there was no point; or maybe I just didn’t think about it as I was preoccupied with the car having broken down. Then I went to get help.

When I got back (unsurprisingly, with hindsight), I had been given a parking ticket and a fine. I went to find a car park attendant and so that I could explain the situation to him. Obviously what I should have done was either to get a ticket as normal, or, failing that, to put a little note in the windscreen of my car saying it had broken down. That way the car park attendant (maybe, if they had been in a good mood) might have understood my plight and not given me a ticket.

I don’t really remember the outcome of the dream, but I do remember thinking how like life this can be.

We’re all a bit like this car: we ‘break down’ occasionally. But we are still expected to go about life as normal, fulfilling our normal obligations (buying and displaying a car park ticket). When we ‘break down’, what we need to do is to signal to others that we’re feeling that way, in the hope that they will be understanding, and perhaps release us from some of our everyday obligations (the car park ticket), or at least not put any further obligations and pressure on us (the parking fine).

On the outside, my car looked fine, but under the bonnet it wasn’t very healthy at all. And we do the same: on the outside we look fine, but ‘under the bonnet’, on the inside, we might be feeling broken, tired or worn out, for any number of reasons.

Let me encourage you, when you’re feeling broken down, or even perhaps are just running on an empty tank, let others know – put a little note in your windscreen – so they can help and support you by not adding to your burden, and perhaps they can release you from some of the everyday pressure of life, too. And so they can pray for you.

One final point, more out of interest than anything else – in my dream, the car I was driving was white. This was strange, as our family car is blue. Two things strike me about this. First, I think this was how God signalled to me that perhaps I should take notice of this dream. And second, white is symbolic of what we become when we are forgiven and restored as God’s children. We get dirty and need to be washed regularly so that we stay white, and we also need to be topped up with petrol and carry out routine maintenance so that the car stays healthy. What does that ‘routine maintenance’ look like for you? How do you stay healthy, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually?



I really hope you have enjoyed reading this sample chapter from Losing the Fig Leaf. To read or find out more, click here.

God bless,

Freedom in relationships

Jesus’ security in the knowledge of who He was can also be seen by His remarkable humility. It meant He felt free to serve without worrying about having to maintain a particular image in the eyes of other people. In John 13 He had no qualms about washing the disciples’ feet, because He knew that there was nothing He could do and nothing anyone else could do that could change who He was or take away His Sonship. This gave Him tremendous security and great freedom, as He had nothing He wanted to prove. This provides a stark contrast to the disciples, who argued about who among them was the greatest (Mark 9:34).

I would encourage you to rest in the knowledge that you are a son or daughter of God, and to allow Him to love you for who you are. Ask Him to help you to step out from behind this tree of power. And as you take His hand and begin to step out from this hiding place, remember that you don’t have to do anything to earn God’s love. You don’t have to do anything to earn His acceptance. You don’t have to do anything to earn His approval. You already have it. Take the hand He offers you and ask Him to help you to live secure in the knowledge that you are His child.

I would also encourage you to realise that, in the same way as we cannot earn God’s love, we should not try to earn the love of other people. God loves us unconditionally, and we should live our lives as an act of worship to Him, so that everything we do flows from our gratitude for what He has done for us and out of our love for Him in return.

If we feel that we need to earn the love of another person, I would say we need to re-evaluate the relationship. Real love does not demand; it gives freely, and it receives what the other person wants to give. There is a big difference between receiving and taking in a relationship.

If someone loves you because of what you do for them, you may feel that you have an element of power and control because you are able to ‘make’ that person love you. However, the reality is that they are actually the one who is holding the power over you, because you feel obliged to behave in a certain way, otherwise you fear that their love will be withdrawn. The balance of power is weighted strongly in the other person’s favour. I would say to you, very gently, please consider whether this person really loves you at all, or whether they are just loving themselves by manipulating you to do what they want you to do. In my opinion, this is self-satisfaction; it is not love. What are they offering to you to express their love for you? Is this the way you really want to be loved? What will happen if and when you can no longer give them what they want, perhaps through illness or other circumstances? Is this the way God loves you – for what you can do for Him?

I was once involved in a relationship like this. The person concerned led me to believe that they loved me, and that they would continue to love me if I did everything I could to please them. Foolishly, I went along with it, and for far too long. I did everything I could to make the person love me, and I thought for a while that they did love me. But it always felt as though whatever I did, it wasn’t good enough. So I tried even harder. But nothing changed.

Eventually I came to recognise what was going on, but not before much damage had been done to my already low self-esteem and self-confidence. I realised that actually, the person didn’t love me at all, in spite of all their words, and that they were really only interested in loving themselves. In the end I found the courage to cut loose from the relationship, and God in His grace and mercy put people around me who loved me for the person I am. These people were – and still are – willing to give to me without wanting anything in return. I still find it hard to receive love at times, and always feel that I ought to be giving something back, but I am realising that real love doesn’t ask for anything in return. It gives freely, without counting the cost. And it welcomes and receives our love in return, if we choose to give it.

If this situation sounds familiar, I would really encourage you to pray and then to talk to the person about your concerns. Cite examples of real situations – it is difficult for anyone to dispute facts – and then describe how those occasions made you feel. Do everything you can to bring the relationship to a place of a more even balance of power. Cover it with prayer, and speak together with a wise and experienced third party if you are both willing.

Allow yourself to be loved for who you are, not for what you can give.

Power is something we all have, and indeed it is something we all need in order to flourish as human beings. But we can hide behind our power and use it for the wrong reasons. We should consider how we use our power, and ask God to help us to use it for the benefit of others, to help them to blossom and develop as people, and to enable them to reach their full potential. We are all made in the image and according to the likeness of God, and He has blessed every one of us with a task to carry out and a role to fulfil. And that role is different for each of us. Let us step out from behind this tree, drop this fig leaf, and use the power we have to help others grow and become the people that God created them to be!

Now to the second ‘tree’: the hiding place of material possessions.

Fig leaf on white

Losing the Fig Leaf by Nicki Copeland, published by Instant Apostle, is available from Christian retailers and online sellers. Order from Amazon in print or on Kindle here.

Today’s the day! Losing the Fig Leaf is published today! Click here for more information.

Here is today’s extract, continuing our look at the ‘tree’ of Power. The final part of the chapter will be published here tomorrow.

What about Jesus?

So how did Jesus, the perfect image of God in humanity, identify Himself? What did He do when things weren’t going His way? How did He respond? Did He exert His power to retain control?

One thing that is certain is that Jesus was always self-controlled. He never allowed His personal wants and desires to get the better of Him, and He never manipulated any situation for His own benefit. His concern was always for those around Him.

Jesus was immensely powerful. But He never used His power for His own ends. He was brilliantly clever with words, yet He never used them to belittle anyone. Neither did He just go along with the majority for the sake of an easy life. Jesus wasn’t a people pleaser; He was a God pleaser.

As the Son of God, Jesus could easily have commanded respect wherever He went, from everyone He met. Many, of course, did love and respect Him, but many did not, and eventually these people wanted to kill Him.

How do we respond when we think people don’t like us? I know I have a habit of doing everything I can to try to make people like me: there is an inbuilt need in me, as there is in all of us, to be liked and to feel accepted. If I feel that I am not liked, that must mean I am not a good person, that I am lacking in some way. It makes me doubt my worth.

Jesus did not allow Himself to be bothered by what other people thought of Him, and He did not try to find His identity in what He did, whether that was His work – most likely as a carpenter – or His ministry as a teacher and healer.

Before His ministry had even started, Jesus’ identity was questioned. In the desert, immediately after His baptism, the devil tested Him: ‘If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become a loaf of bread’ (Luke 4:3). Are you really who you say you are? Prove it!

Jesus was also tempted by food, not fruit as Adam and Eve were, but bread. He had been fasting in the desert for 40 days by this time so He would have been feeling very hungry and weak. As a human being, Jesus was subject to the same physical needs as the rest of us. The devil often targets our basic human needs and desires; he knows where we are vulnerable. Jesus had the opportunity here not only to change His circumstances, but also to prove who He was – to prove His power. But He resisted the temptation. His response? ‘It is written, “One does not live by bread alone”‘ (Luke 4:4).

Of course, there was so much more at stake here than just Jesus’ physical hunger. But the point I want to make is that Jesus knew who He was, and God knew who He was, and Jesus didn’t feel that He needed to prove it to anyone. He didn’t have to do anything to prove who He was: He was secure in the knowledge that He was the Son of God, and that was enough for Him. It didn’t matter to Him what the devil – or anyone else for that matter – thought of Him.

When I am faced with the temptation to prove that I am capable of doing a particular thing, or when I feel that I am being compared with someone else and don’t want to be found wanting, it can be very hard to remember that I am a child of God, and I don’t have to do anything to prove myself. I am a daughter of God. You, too, are a son or a daughter of God, and we don’t have to do anything to earn it or to prove it. We are loved and accepted just as we are.

Fig leaf on white

Losing the Fig Leaf by Nicki Copeland is published by Instant Apostle today, Thursday 1st October 2015 and is available from Christian retailers and online sellers. Order from Amazon in print or on Kindle here.

Today’s extract from Losing the Fig Leaf continues our look at the ‘tree’ of Power. Tomorrow (Thursday 1st October) is launch day!

Scientia potentia est

‘Knowledge is power’, as Sir Francis Bacon is alleged to have said. And the book of Proverbs says:

The wise prevail through great power, and those who have knowledge muster their strength.
Proverbs 24:5 (NIV UK)

Knowledge is believed to give us advantages over others. A good education is considered to give children the best possible start in life and to maximise their opportunities for a good job and career prospects. We use information to our advantage – whether through ‘the system’ by passing exams and gaining qualifications, or by using what we know to influence situations and work them to our own ends.

Adam and Eve were tempted by the power of knowledge when the serpent said to them, ‘your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil’ (Genesis 3:5). At the time, they probably had no concept of what ‘good’ and ‘evil’ even were, although they were fully aware of what they had been told not to do. They knew that God knew everything, and they knew that God had ultimate power, so I guess it stood to reason that if they had the knowledge that God had, it would give them more power. And the temptation was too hard to resist.

But it all went horribly wrong. Yes, they received the desired knowledge, but, as we saw earlier, they were unable to cope with it – as God had known all along. This new knowledge didn’t actually give them any more power, and they would now have to fight to regain even some of the authority that they had originally been given. They had been tasked with working and stewarding the earth in a loving, nurturing relationship, but now, as well as having to leave the paradise garden, they would have to struggle and sweat even just to source their basic needs.

All through history, humanity has fought and struggled with the earth to bring it under control. Long gone is the harmonious relationship we had with the earth at the time of creation. We are realising now that we have to respect the earth and give back to it, not bleed it dry of its resources and upset its natural balance, otherwise the human race will be in a lot of trouble in years to come.

Our natural tendency as human beings is to try to take control, especially when things are not going the way we would like them to. When they are not going our way, we can almost resort to dictator-like tendencies to try to get our own way and regain that control. What we must be aware of, of course, is our motivation. Am I wanting to exert control just because things aren’t going the way I want them to? Is what I want really the best thing for everyone concerned? Is it the best possible solution? We need to work out what the real problem is, and then work out the best way forward – for everyone concerned; not just for ourselves.

Who am I?

We often identify ourselves by what we ‘do’. When we meet someone for the first time, how do we introduce ourselves? Presumably we will tell each other our name; then, as often as not, we will chat about what we do – our job, perhaps an ability we have (whether we are a musician, an artist, a footballer, and so on), or perhaps a ministry we are involved in. We feel that what we do gives us status and influence; it defines who we are. If I have an ‘important’ job, that makes me an important person, therefore people will listen to me – I will have authority and power. If I have an important ministry, that means I must be a spiritual person with lots of knowledge and wisdom, so people will look up to me and respect me. Consciously or subconsciously, we think that what we do makes us who we are.

Years ago, a person’s surname would help to identify who they were and offer information about them and their family. Many surnames told what people did for a living – Smith, Wright, Carpenter, Butcher, Baker, and so on. In Scotland and Ireland, boys would have the prefix Mac (or Mc) or O’ to their surname, followed by their father’s name, to indicate which family they belonged to. Some names would have been given to describe particular characteristics, such as Strong, Wise, or Black or White to describe hair colour. Indeed, a number of biblical characters were given new names by God, to go with their new role or responsibility: Abraham, Israel, Peter and Saul, for example. Other names told where people came from. Our own surname, Copeland, comes from Copeland in Cumbria, and I understand the name comes from the Old Norse kaupland, meaning ‘bought land’. I must pay the place a visit sometime.

Nowadays, of course, our names give no clue as to what we do for a living, or about our characteristics or where we come from. We might give nicknames, though, appropriate to personality traits or looks. When my daughter was little, I sometimes called her Boo, because she looked just like the little girl out of the film Monsters, Inc., with her big brown eyes and her dark hair in cute bunches.

Names and job titles, though, tell us very little about who a person really is. We might learn which family someone comes from and what they do for a living, but they tell us nothing about the person’s character and personality. Certain names or titles might command respect – people might speak differently to a minister or a priest, for example – and how would we respond if we were to meet royalty? But these are just external trappings – they don’t tell us who the person is in the eyes of God. In the eyes of God, all people are equal. He loves each and every person the same, and God takes no notice of job titles.

Many years ago I had the opportunity to meet His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales. I was managing a stand at a ‘Britain in Morocco’ exhibition in Casablanca for the company I was working for, and he came to visit the exhibition. I remember having quite conflicting feelings about it: I was nervous because he is an important man, yet there was also a part of me that was telling me he is no different from anyone else – he just happens to have a title because of the family he was born into. I also remember wrestling with the fact that I was told I would have to bow or curtsey. Apart from the fact I didn’t even know how to curtsey (I am not blessed with such ladylike graces!), it didn’t sit comfortably with me that I should bow to another human being, when the only one to whom I want to bow the knee is God Himself.

In the end, I think I managed some kind of fudged combination of a bow, curtsey and handshake all rolled into one. I don’t think His Royal Highness was particularly impressed.

This does lead me to consider, though, how people in positions of authority might use the power they are given, whether they are born into or it or elected to the role. The kings in the Old Testament were a real mixed bag: some used the power they had very wisely and led the people of Israel in the way God had ordained; others chose to walk a very different path.

Two particular examples are King Saul and King David. Both were anointed by God to lead the people of Israel, both were given great responsibility, and both made huge mistakes. The difference, however, was in the way they dealt with these mistakes. Saul took things into his own hands when things didn’t turn out in the way he had expected, and blatantly disobeyed a clear instruction from God (1 Samuel 13:11-14; 1 Samuel 15:1-10). So God rejected him as king.

David also abused the power he had, by committing adultery with Bathsheba and having her husband killed so that he could take her for himself (2 Samuel 11). God sent the prophet Nathan to David to make him realise that he had done a terrible thing, and that God was displeased with him. David acknowledged that he had done a dreadful thing and confessed his sin to God, and God forgave him. There were consequences for David of his sin, however, and those consequences affected other people as well. David and all concerned had to come to terms with those consequences.

Yet Saul, too, repented and asked for forgiveness (1 Samuel 15:24-25). So why did God reject Saul as king and continue to bless David’s kingship? 1 Samuel 16:7 tells us that ‘the Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart’. I can only assume that as God looked at the hearts of Saul and David as they repented and confessed their sin, He saw in David true penitence and a willingness to humble himself and to change, and an earnest desire to be obedient to Him, but did not see the same humility and earnestness in the heart of Saul. So in spite of David’s sinfulness, and even though he continued to make mistakes, David’s heart continued to be after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:14), and God was able to use him greatly.

Fig leaf on white

Losing the Fig Leaf by Nicki Copeland will be published by Instant Apostle on Thursday 1st October 2015 and is available from Christian retailers and online sellers. Pre-order from Amazon in print or on Kindle here.

Today’s extract from Losing the Fig Leaf looks at one of the six Ps – the tree of Power. We’ll stay with this chapter for the rest of the week. To check out the other ‘trees’, click here.

Chapter 5
The first tree: Power

But the serpent said to the woman, ‘You will not die; for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’
Genesis 3:4-5

At the time of writing, my stepson and his fiancée are expecting a baby in about a month’s time – a little girl. I know without a doubt that she will be welcomed into a very loving home, and she will have parents (not to mention grandparents!) who will love her to pieces! I also know, however, that that little girl will rule the roost, at least for a while, and her every cry, her every need, her every want, will be catered for. No matter what time of the day or night, no matter how exhausted Mum and Dad might be, she will cry, and they will answer the summons.

Babies are helpless creatures, unable to do very much at all for themselves, yet they exert tremendous power. And it isn’t only when they cry. Many people, when they see a newborn baby, will become all mushy inside – me included! Babies and little children appeal to something deep inside us – a caring, nurturing, protective instinct. The first time they smile, the first time they laugh, the first time they crawl, or stand up, or walk, or when their first tooth comes through, or when they say their first word – all these occasions are received with much joy, and everyone must be told! It’s compulsory!

As babies grow and become toddlers and older children, they need to learn that it isn’t right for them to hold all the power, and much of the power they are able to exert when they are babies will gradually be taken away from them. They will learn that their every whim will not be met with a positive response, and sometimes the answer to their request will be ‘No’ or ‘Wait’. They will begin to understand the difference between ‘needs’ and ‘wants’: their needs, of course, must be attended to, but their wants might not always be. Indeed, what they want might not be good for them. (I’m sure every child would want to eat the whole bag of sweets all at once – and perhaps some adults too!) They have to learn to live by the rules, for their own benefit, for the benefit of the rest of the family and for the good of wider society. Yet they will always have an element of power, and this is only right.

My children are growing up fast – they are now 18, 16 and 12. They have learned (even if they have to be reminded at times!) the rules of the household, and they respect them. They know that there is a certain hierarchy in the house, and that the rules are there not because we want to spoil their fun, but because they make for a household that is harmonious and that runs smoothly. They also know that certain rules are for their protection and well-being. Yet there is room for negotiation, and that is a good thing. As parents, my husband and I realise that we are not infallible, and we don’t rule the roost with an iron rod, daring anyone to challenge decisions we have made or things we have spoken. We welcome calm and reasoned discussion if there is a difference of opinion. We have even been known to change our minds on occasion! Our children are able to influence the way things happen in the home – they have power to change and affect things. It is important for everyone – including children – to feel that they have a voice, that their opinion is welcomed and respected. Denying someone this voice can do a lot of damage to their self-esteem and confidence. As we observed earlier, touch, affection and love are critical to a child’s personal development.

Power is something we all have, to a greater or lesser extent, within our spheres of influence, whether it be our homes and families, our friendship groups, our workplace, our church, or another group we are a part of. This is healthy and natural.

Some people within certain groups naturally have more ‘power’ than others. As parents, my husband and I have more power within the family unit. The manager of a department in the workplace will have more power than those who report to him or her. A school teacher has more power within the classroom than the pupils, but less power than the head teacher. Within a friendship group there might be a natural leader, one who is looked up to because they are considered to make wise decisions, for example. Depending on the type of church we go to, some of the leadership might be considered to have more power than the rest of the members or regular attenders; other churches advocate ‘every person ministry’, where decisions are made by the body as a whole.

Power becomes a problem when it becomes an end in itself, or when we use it for our own benefit rather than for the benefit of others. We can use our power to exert authority and to manipulate situations to our own ends. We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not. From the small child who flutters her eyelashes and smiles sweetly at her daddy because she knows he will give in to her demands, to the departmental manager who throws his weight around because he wants things done a certain way, with no regard for whether or not it is the best thing for the rest of the team or for the organisation as a whole, we can all ‘do’ something to get our own way.

When it is used in this way, power becomes a hiding place – when we do something to influence a situation in order to achieve a particular result, or for our own ends. We might throw our weight around in order to exert control over a person or a situation because we feel we would be unable to cope with a different outcome, or perhaps for entirely selfish reasons. Feelings of insecurity mean we might try to manipulate a situation to make it feel more comfortable rather than having to face our insecurities and fears. We use the authority we have in a situation or a relationship to influence the outcome, or the other person’s behaviour, rather than seeking to develop and deepen relationships so that we can work together to find solutions and to grow together.

We hide behind our power and influence because we fear the intimacy of relationships, or because we fear we might lose control of the way things are done. We think our way is best and feel threatened if that is questioned. But by working together, by admitting that we don’t have all the answers and we don’t always know best, we might surprise ourselves. The solutions we find together are often so much better than what we are able to come up with on our own.

When my eldest son was about 14, he wanted to go out on Tuesday evenings to Soul Survivor cell group meetings. (Soul Survivor is a church in Watford with a strong youth contingent, led by Mike Pilavachi.) My immediate reaction was no, he would be out too late and he would be coming home on his own in the dark, and that worried me too much. I could see by the look on his face that he was disappointed, but he accepted and respected my decision.

As I thought about this and chatted it through with my husband, I began to realise that the reason I had said no was because of my own fears and insecurities. I was worried that something might happen to him as he travelled on public transport late in the evenings. I realised that I was using the power I had within the relationship to keep things the way they were, because I felt comfortable with that. I wanted to wrap my son up in cotton wool and keep him safe. I began to think about some of the other things a 14-year-old boy might want to be doing with his evenings, and here I was trying to stop my son going to a church event and drawing closer to God!

Once I realised that I was hiding behind this power and using it for my own agenda, I changed my mind and told my son he could go to the meetings. He was very happy, and he has always respected my wishes that he let me know if he is going to be late home. He is now 18 and working as a sound and lighting technician at live events, so I won’t even mention the times he gets home on occasions! Yes, I worry about him when he is out until silly o’clock in the morning – I wouldn’t be normal if I didn’t – but I entrust him to God, go to bed and do my best to go to sleep! I have to realise that, in order for him to flourish and grow as an independent human being, I need to let go of the control and allow him to make his own decisions and his own way in the world. Of course, I will always be here for him when he needs me – that goes without saying – but by exerting too much control, I would be preventing him from reaching his potential and becoming the person he has been created to be.

Fig leaf on white

Losing the Fig Leaf by Nicki Copeland will be published by Instant Apostle on Thursday 1st October 2015 and is available from Christian retailers and online sellers. Pre-order from Amazon in print or on Kindle here.

Losing the Fig Leaf


Did you ever play hide-and-seek as a child? There’s a real sense of satisfaction about finding a good hiding place, isn’t there? It’s quite gratifying to find a spot where you know no one will find you. There’s a feeling of safety and security in the knowledge that no one can get to you.

But isn’t there also an underlying fear – of exposure, of being found out? You run and hide, and all the while your heart is pumping, your mind is racing; you don’t want to be caught. You know it’s only a question of time before your cover is blown.

I was never particularly good at hide-and-seek. I was nearly always one of the first to be found. It is quite ironic, then, that as my life progressed, I became very good at hiding my true self and concealing who I really was.

For many years of my life I didn’t like who I was and wished I could be more like someone else and less like me. Sometimes I would try to make myself someone I thought people would want to spend time with because I didn’t think people would enjoy being with the person I really was. I didn’t feel that I was particularly attractive to look at, or especially witty or funny, or could contribute intelligently to conversations; I didn’t think I had good enough fashion sense, or artistic abilities, or that I was interesting to talk to. But then I felt that my efforts to be more ‘acceptable’ to people weren’t good enough either, so I would end up retreating into my shell and wishing I was a fly on the wall, or that I was somewhere else entirely, because my efforts to be ‘someone else’ didn’t work either.

Part of the problem, I think, as I look back, is that because I was so uncomfortable in my own skin, I would put my own interpretations on people’s words and actions. Yet often, probably, my interpretations were wrong. If someone chose to sit somewhere else when there was an empty seat next to me, my assumption would be that the other person they chose to sit next to was, of course, far more interesting to talk to than I was. If people didn’t chat to me, I naturally assumed it was because they didn’t like me and because I was soooo boring to talk to. But if someone did choose to chat to me or to sit with me, I would be so nervous about saying something stupid or coming across as dull that I would tie myself in knots and end up fulfilling my own prophecy. Either that or I would assume that the person hadn’t really wanted to talk to me or sit with me, but now that they had done, for whatever reason, I wouldn’t inflict my boring personality on them! Boy, was I hard work!

Gradually, however, over a number of years, God has brought me to a place of learning to accept who I am and to enjoy being the person He has created me to be. I am learning to recognise that I do have particular strengths and certain abilities – as well as my many shortcomings – and that actually, people (for whatever strange reason) do appear to enjoy my company. Perhaps this is partly because I am more relaxed within myself now, and rather than falling over my own feet to try to impress people, I have made a decision just to be me, and if people don’t like who I am, then there’s not much I can do about that! Different personalities naturally gravitate towards certain people and away from others. Of course, I don’t go out of my way to be obnoxious or annoying, but I have realised that there is real value in the old desktop publishing term WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get).

As I chat with people and share my story, and as people talk to me, I realise that there are many who share the same struggles as I do, and that many of us are hiding our true selves in some way or another. You can read more about my story in my first book, Less than ordinary? My journey into finding my true self .[1]

In this book I want to explore what being made in the image and likeness of God really means for each one of us, what it means to be ‘fully human’, and what it means to fully embrace our humanity and enjoy being the person we have been created to be. God made us all to be unique – there is no one else like me, or like you, on the face of the earth, nor has there ever been, and nor will there ever be.

First I want to spend a bit of time examining what it really means to be made in God’s image and likeness, and considering some of the blessings God bestowed on humanity at the time of creation, and the implications of that. Then I want to look at the consequences Adam and Eve faced after they disobeyed God and ate the fruit from the tree from which God had told them not to eat, and their response to their disobedience. They tried to hide, from God and from each other. Hiding is something we still do today: we, too, try to hide from God and from each other, and I want to examine some of the ways and some of the places we try to hide – the six Ps of Power, Possessions, Productivity, Perfectionism, Pretence and Pastimes.

As we explore these hiding places, I also want to look at the way Jesus, the perfect, unmarred image of God in humanity, handled being human and to take encouragement from the way He lived His life on earth without hiding, and to suggest some practical ways we can begin to come out of our hiding places.

I believe that if we can begin to understand where we come from and who we are, this will help us work out where we are going. While we can never be truly sure where our path in life will lead us (God is always full of surprises!), if we can learn to embrace who we are and have confidence in our strengths and our abilities, as well as an awareness of our weaknesses, this gives God much greater freedom to use us in whatever way He chooses. Lack of confidence and low self-esteem inhibit us and lock us into a state of fear, leaving us unwilling to step out and take risks. So we choose to stay among the trees where we know it’s safe and where the risk of failure is smaller. It’s so much easier to stay hidden away than to step out, to face exposure and to feel vulnerable.

Sometimes we invite God in to our hiding places with us, instead of stepping out from them with Him. We know He loves us and wants a relationship with us, and we want a relationship with Him – but we want it to be on our terms. God is gracious, and I believe He does join us in those cramped, dark places – He loves us so much He just wants to be with us. But He also longs for us to take the hand He is offering and to step out with Him. We might feel safe and comfortable where we are, especially if God is there with us, but there is so much more to be enjoyed beyond the trees, if only we would have the courage to walk out with Him. He is offering us the opportunity to sing and to dance with Him, to express who we really are, to enjoy true freedom.

Over the last few years I have taken a few risks, stepped out from some of my own hiding places and done some things I never dreamed I would do. I’m still not sure where the road is heading, but one thing I can tell you is that the journey is exciting, and I’m really enjoying the ride! Yes, it’s taking me way out of my comfort zone at times, and some things have been really hard to do, but my heavenly Father has been with me all the way, holding my hand and leading me forward, step by step. I know there is so much more to come, and I’m looking forward to discovering what else He has in store for me.

I also know that at times it will be difficult, and that I’m going to have to face more of my fears and insecurities along the way. But I know that God will help me do that too, as and when these times come.

I hope this book will encourage you to take the hand that God is offering you, to allow Him to lead you out of some of your hiding places and to walk with Him on the path He has set out for you. God has a Big Plan for your life – an important role in His Big Story – and I want to encourage you to embrace what He has planned for you.

A final thought: it’s not easy to go about the practical business of daily living – working, eating, caring for ourselves and our families, and so on – if we’re holding something in our hand. Imagine trying to prepare dinner with one hand because you’re holding a big leaf in the other to hide behind, or driving to work with a tree branch in your hand. Holding on to our fig leaves restricts us, inhibits us and reduces our freedom to move and live. They get in the way and are a real nuisance! We need both hands to live as we were truly created to live!

Let me encourage you to step out from among the trees, to let go of your fig leaves and to enjoy the freedom of living without them! Live your life in the way God intended you to live it!

Fig leaf on white

Losing the Fig Leaf by Nicki Copeland will be published by Instant Apostle on Thursday 1st October 2015 and is available from Christian retailers and online sellers. Pre-order from Amazon in print or on Kindle here.

[1] Nicki Copeland, Less than ordinary? My journey into finding my true self (Watford: Instant Apostle, 2013).

I’m very excited to announce that my second book, Losing the Fig Leaf, will be published by Instant Apostle on Thursday 1st October. Each day this week I will be posting an extract here, as a little taster.

Here’s what reviewers have said:

‘This book exposes the great need of the human heart with gentleness and tenderness whilst at the same time exposing our desperate need of a better vision of God and of ourselves. …  This book moved me, challenged me, inspired me and encouraged me, but most of all it reminded me that God is deeply, deeply committed to His people and longs to hear us say, “Yes” to His staggering invitation to intimacy. I cannot commend it highly enough.’
Malcolm Duncan

‘This is a scrupulously honest book, full of spiritual insight and wise advice. It will speak to many who are longing to know and understand more of their worth in God’s eyes.’
Lucy Peppiatt

‘A beautifully honest and biblical exploration of a journey out of hiding into fullness of life as a child of God.’
Lindsay Melluish

‘Nicki’s powerful vulnerability and insightful scriptural undergirding speaks so relevantly to us today. Her story, woven through the pages, enables us to be real with ourselves, find a way to lose the fig leaf and to live in the fullness of Christ’s freedom.’
Anne Calver

‘This is a fascinating book. It takes the ancient story of Adam and Eve and shows how relevant it is for today. Nicki names the “fig leaves” we hide behind and brings fresh insight to the struggles we experience in living the abundant life Jesus offers.’
Lin Button

Do check it out!

Losing the fig leaf front cover 240715

They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light.
Psalm 36:8-9


Let me take you on a little trip.

You receive an invitation to a huge banquet. The invitation is beautifully decorated and very personal to you. It’s just for you. It makes you feel special and loved, even though you’re not even sure who it’s from.

You check the date in your diary and accept the invitation.

As the time for the banquet draws nearer you start to prepare for it. It’s a very important occasion so you’ll need something special to wear. You go shopping and take time choosing the perfect outfit – dress, shoes, bag, accessories; or suit, shirt, tie, shoes. You really want to look your best.

When the day comes, you might go to the hairdresser’s and have your hair done. You might even have a manicure (ladies, that is…). You’ll take your time getting ready – you’ll have a shower and get dressed slowly to make sure your outfit looks as good as it can be. Guys, you’ll have a shave; girls, you’ll take time applying your make-up.

You don’t have to worry about how you’ll get there. The invitation tells you that a car will come to collect you at 7.00pm. You make sure you’re ready in good time, and at 7.00 sharp the doorbell rings. The driver greets you warmly and opens the door for you to step into the car. You don’t really understand why, but you’re being made to feel as though you’re an honoured guest at this banquet.

Finally you arrive at the location where the banquet is being held. You’re feeling apprehensive. You still don’t really know why you’ve been invited, but you do know that something compelled you to accept the invitation and to come along. Something inside tells you this is a big deal, that you just had to be here. Your palms start to get a bit sweaty. You have butterflies in your stomach – you don’t even know how you’re going to manage to eat anything, you feel so nervous. Will you even know anyone here?

How are you going to make your entrance? Will you just go in? Will you be met at the door? Will you be able to slip in quietly, unobtrusively, without making a big fuss in front of a lot of people?

The driver opens the car door for you and walks you to the door of the house. His smile is somehow reassuring, although your nerves are still there.

Your heart is pounding. You take a deep breath and knock gently at the door. Immediately it is flung open. Your host comes out and throws his arms around you. ‘I’m so glad you’ve arrived!’ he says with a huge grin on his face. ‘We’ve been waiting for you. Come in, come in.’

You’re feeling more than a little surprised. Has he got the right person? Has he mistaken you for someone else? You know you certainly don’t deserve such a welcome. You don’t know whether to feel pleased at being welcomed so warmly, or even more worried that perhaps he sent the invitation to the wrong person. Was the invitation meant for someone else? Are you even meant to be here?

You hang back, wondering whether or not to follow him. He stops, turns round and looks you straight in the eye. ‘Don’t be nervous,’ he says. The invitation was meant for you. I haven’t mistaken you for someone else. I’ve been waiting for you for years. I know exactly who you are, and I know everything about you – yes, everything. I love you so much, and I went to an awful lot of trouble to bring you here. You belong here, and I’m so glad you’ve finally arrived.’

He takes you by the hand and walks by your side along a hallway. It’s beautiful, and so peaceful. You can see a large door at the end of the corridor, and as you approach you begin to hear noises coming from the other side. It sounds like a party, and whoever is there is having a great time!

You come to the door. He pauses and looks you straight in the eye again. ‘Ready?’ he asks.

‘I’m not sure,’ you reply. ‘I don’t know what to expect.’

‘Just trust me,’ he says. We’re going to have a ball! This is a day of great celebration!’

He opens the door and leads you in, still holding your hand. You gasp at the sight in front of you. It’s a huge banqueting hall, the like of which you’ve never seen in your life. It’s absolutely beautiful. The walls are made of precious stones, and it’s drenched in bright sunshine, like a beautiful garden. The room is full of beautifully decorated tables, and people are sitting at the tables.

Running through the middle of the hall, just near you, is a river. The water is clearer and purer than any water you’ve ever seen, and somehow you just know that it is life-giving water. It will refresh you in a way you’ve never been refreshed before, and fill you with all the energy and vitality you need, for ever.

At the far end of the hall you can see a huge throne, and on it you can just make out a figure. You can’t see him properly as so much light is emanating from him – he is the source of the sunshine – that you have to shield your eyes. To the side of this throne is another, slightly smaller throne, but it’s empty, and you just know that the one holding your hand is the one who should be sitting there. That’s his rightful place, yet he stepped down from his throne because he’s so excited about your arrival and he just had to come and welcome you personally.

You’re still trying to take all of this in and make sense of it all when you become aware of voices calling your name. You look around at the people sitting at the tables. They’re laughing and joking together. They’re singing to the figure on the throne. They’re eating and enjoying the delicious food. Somehow – and you don’t really know quite how – they’re doing all three at once!

You realise that not every seat at the tables is filled – there must be more guests due to arrive. As you look around the hall you see your friends and family. They are calling you and waving to you. You can see from the look on their faces that they’re very excited to see you.

You wave back, tentatively, still not completely sure what’s going on. Your host leads you to a place at a table and says to you, ‘Here’s your place. I’ve been saving it for you.’ You look, and there’s an empty seat, where the table is laid ready, and it’s labelled with your name. He draws the chair out for you – an ornate, throne-like chair – and invites you to take your place.

He smiles at you. He smiles with his whole face, particularly his eyes. It’s a smile that says to you, ‘You’re so very special. I’ve been waiting so long for this moment and I’m so excited that it’s finally arrived. I love you so much.’

It all begins to fall into place. He’s been waiting for me. He loves me so much. He’s kept this place for me – a place at his table. He left his throne because he wanted to welcome me personally. I don’t deserve this, yet I belong here. This is my home.

He smiles even more broadly as he sees that you are now beginning to understand. He gently pushes your chair in towards the table and kisses you on the top of your head. ‘Please excuse me. Another of my guests is arriving and I want to welcome them.’

You take a deep breath and look around you once more. Your friends and family realise you need a moment and give you some breathing space – they needed it too when they first arrived. You look towards the figure on the throne. ‘Thank you,’ you whisper in your heart. ‘I know I don’t deserve this, but thank you.’

‘You’re welcome,’ you hear a voice reply. It’s not an audible voice; you hear it in your heart. ‘As I said to you just now, I went to a lot of trouble to bring you here, and I’m so glad you accepted my invitation. I love you.’

‘I love you too,’ you say in return, and you mean it in a way you’ve never meant it before. There’s a new depth to your love that you’ve never been able to experience and express before.

You smile, and sit quietly for a few minutes, trying to take it all in. Then you turn to those around you. They’re looking at you, and they have the biggest smiles on their faces. They know exactly what’s going on in your heart and in your mind, because they’re feeling it too. They felt it when they first arrived, and they’re still feeling it now – the feeling never goes away. It’s a joy beyond understanding, a peace that cannot be defined, and a love that is deeper than any love that can ever be felt.

You smile at them. ‘Hi,’ you say. ‘I’m home.’


Nicki Copeland
Author of Less than ordinary? My journey into finding my true self (

‘Don’t you trust me?’

I stopped and thought. How do I respond to that? I can either say yes, of course I trust you, in which case they’ll carry on doing what they’re doing, which I’m not comfortable with in case it causes an accident (nothing major, just could be messy). On the other hand, if I persist with my request that they stop, is that confirming that I don’t trust them? What effect will that have on our relationship?

In the end I came up with a fairly limp response that tried to walk the ‘Yes I trust you; I just don’t see the point of taking unnecessary risks’ line. Perhaps a little lame, but it was the best I could come up with at the time.

This question, ‘Don’t you trust me?’ is actually very manipulative. In effect, what it’s saying is, ‘You have a choice. If you want me to stop, you don’t trust me and that will have an adverse effect on our relationship. I know you don’t want that, so you’re left with the option of letting me have my own way.’

In the end I challenged the person concerned. To be honest, the whole thing was very light-hearted and a bit of fun, and it was about something so trivial I can’t even remember now what it was. I don’t think they even realised they were being manipulative. I have a very good relationship with them, so we were able to keep it light, but it raised in my mind an important thought: how often do we use our words to manipulate situations to our advantage – and how often do we do it without consciously acknowledging that we’re doing it?

Words are very powerful. We can use them to build up or to tear down. A kind word goes a long way, and can make us feel good for the rest of the day. On the other hand, words can destroy relationships if they are used carelessly, and can damage people. We can all quote the ditty ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.’ But this is not true. Words can do much damage, and the scars they leave often last a lot longer than physical scars,.

James tells us that ‘no human being can tame the tongue’ (James 3:8). Yes, our mouths run away with us at times. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve wished I could put words that I’ve spoken back into my mouth, but it’s too late; they’re out there, and can never be unsaid.

I know I’m guilty of using words to manipulate. My prayer is that God will change me from the inside, and that what bubbles up naturally will be good, wholesome and encouraging. The first step is to be aware of what our words have the potential to do – for good and for bad – and to think twice before we open our mouths. And we need to acknowledge when we get it wrong, and do what we can to undo any damage!

So next time someone asks us, ‘Don’t you trust me?’, or next time we’re tempted to use our words to manipulate a situation, let’s stop and think. Let’s take control of our tongues and our words, and not allow them to control us and our relationships.



Lady Gaga has criticised the photograph of her that appears on the December cover of Glamour magazine, saying that’s not what she looks like when she wakes up in the morning. ‘I felt my skin looked too perfect,’ she said. ‘I felt my hair looked too soft’ (Mail Online 13 November). In effect, what she is really saying is, ‘That’s not me. That’s not who I am.’

When we hear the word ‘glamour’, a number of things probably spring to mind: beauty, elegance, A-list celebrities, expensive make-up and makeovers, and so the list goes on. For the vast majority of us (including, I suspect, many of those whom we would call ‘glamorous’), it is not a word we would use to describe ourselves.

There is much discussion these days about the way magazine photographs are airbrushed so that the final picture looks completely perfect. I recently watched a short video clip,, which showed an already attractive woman being photographed, and then demonstrated the process by which the image was completely transformed: her eyes were enlarged, her lips were made fuller, her legs and neck were lengthened, her skin tone was lightened, to mention but a few. She was almost unrecognisable by the end.

I have to say I really felt for this woman. How must she have felt after this experience? It would take someone with an extremely thick skin not to be affected by it.

The media is presenting an image that many people are trying, and of course failing, to live up to. They are failing because these images are not real. They are manufactured images, portraying a world that does not exist.

So what is the effect of all this? As ‘normal’ men and women (because yes, this affects men just as much as it does women), we’re left feeling that we’re inadequate, we’re not good enough. And it’s not only about what we look like; this extends to our abilities too. Whether we compare ourselves with celebrities or other people that we know, we always seem to fall short. We can’t sing as well as they do, we’re not as fast on the football field, we can’t cook as well as they do, or we don’t think we’re as intelligent as they are, and so on.

I spent far too many years of my life feeling that I wasn’t good enough, in so many ways. I tried so hard to be what I thought I needed to be in order to ‘fit’. Yet it didn’t work. No matter what I did, I still felt distinctly less than adequate. And the reason? Because I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin.

Genesis 1 tells us that human beings were created in the image and likeness of God. This means he created us to be like him. Wow! ‘God saw everything that he had made, and indeed it was very good’ (Genesis 1:31, NRSV). The problem is that it went wrong: the enemy planted doubt in the minds of the human beings, and they stopped listening to God.

Today we still fall into the same trap. The enemy plants doubt in our minds, and we listen. We doubt our own worth; we doubt our abilities; we doubt the love that others have for us; we even doubt God’s love for us at times. But if we stop listening to the enemy and listen again to God, what is he saying to us?

It took me a long time to realise that what God was saying to me was simply that he loves me, that I am good enough, that he loves me just the way I am. Gradually I am learning to accept myself for who I am, and to embrace the person that God has created me to be. I am learning to enjoy being unique, and am beginning to understand that God has created me to be me, and that he has a particular role for me, and only me, to play. If I don’t fill that role, it will remain empty; no one else is qualified to fill it. And if I try to fit into another role, I won’t fit.

We are all created to be unique. That in itself is awesome: think of the billions of people who have ever lived: not a single one has ever been identical to another. Even identical twins have differences, despite sharing the same DNA. I worked for a while in a playgroup many years ago, and among the children was a pair of identical twin girls. Initially I didn’t have a clue which was which, but as I got to know them, I began to notice subtle differences between them, both in their looks and in their behaviour, and I was able to tell them apart (and not only because their mum dressed them in different-coloured tights!).

God knows us and loves us all, individually, uniquely, just the way we are. Let’s listen to his voice, and believe him when he says, ‘I love you. You are beautiful, just the way you are,’ and embrace who he created us to be. Yes, we’re all works in progress – none of us is perfect, and we won’t be this side of heaven. But it’s important to remember that what the world values as beauty and perfection is very different to what God values as beauty and perfection.

My book, Less than ordinary? My journey into finding my true self, is available from Amazon in paperback and Kindle.